It’s official

November 1, 2007 at 10:42 pm (Music, Portland)

Portland has finally been completely overtaken by hipsters.  Open mic bluegrass night at the Alberta Street Pub, my bar, is over, and has been replaced by traveling shitheads from Witchita and Minnesota who frequently employ accordians and clarinets.  God help me.

I realize this probably isn’t the best way to break a nearly 2 month blog silence.  I just can’t believe my only mid week solace has been co-opted by a bunch of 23 year old Radiohead wannabes.


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July 25, 2007 at 11:09 pm (Music)

On September 9, Guns and Roses and Alice and Chains are playing a concert near Portland. A dozen years ago, this would have been a life changing experience.  The only problem is, neither of these bands exist anymore.  Guns and Roses, despite what an entertainment lawyer would tell you , now consists of Duff, Izzy, Slash, and that guy who became the new drummer after Appetite for Destruction, and they tour under the name “Velvet Revolver.”  Alice in Chains is pretty much the same, except for the fact that some guy no one has ever heard of is pretending that the lead singer didn’t OD on heroin like 10 years ago.

Should I waste my money?  Or would this be like the time I saw David Gilmour and friends masquerading as Pink Floyd?

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The real burning question

April 24, 2007 at 5:51 pm (Music, Rant)

“If I just lay here…will you lie with me…and…pretend that this fucking song isn’t on the goddamn radio for the 400th fucking time today???” Jesus Tapdancing Christ, if I ever meet the guy who wrote that song, I’m going to kick him in the fucking balls!! “Look maw, ah kin play octaves on mah git-tar!” Nothing in the world is more depressing than some pierced, tattooed 30-something sellout pandering to a bunch of teeny-boppers. Seriously, is there an adult on the planet who listens to this crap?

Sorry, I had to balance out that last post.

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Revelation of the day

March 22, 2006 at 9:50 pm (Music)

I have been listening to a lot of Metallica lately: old school, hard hitting Metallica, not the Napster-era Cult of Personality bullshit. And I will say this: Lars Ulrich is a terrible drummer. He sucks; I could be their drummer with a few weeks practice. I used to get into heated debates with an old roommate from college about this: he swore the guy was using Kawasaki One Man Jam, and I based my contra opinion on my experience at Lollapalooza 1996, where I was distracted by pyrotechnics, dehydration and heat stroke. But now, at this late date, I can say this: Mattdude, if you’re out there, you were right. I’m sorry. And I shouldn’t have said that about your grandma, I’m sure she’s a lovely lady.

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The Ministry of Ministry

March 7, 2006 at 6:57 am (Music, Personal, Portland)

Ministry is my new favorite band. Until recently, I had no idea they have been around since 1983. Actually, it’s more like a J Mascis kind of thing the Rolling Stones. Anyway, they are playing at the Roseland on May 27, and I can’t wait. If anybody out there wants to go, let me know. Ich bin ein Berliner, dude. I have been out of the music business for far too long. I am really starting to become amazed at how much my life has been on hold for the last 10 months or so. In honor of this new appreciation, here are the lyrics to my new favorite song, now playing on my myspace profile if you happen to know what that is. This one kind of reminds me of someone I used to know.

Filth Pig

Well I started out younger at things that people start younger at
A thousand days and nights of getting overexposed
Then someone asks, "How do you sleep at night?"
With the borrowed dreams from a broken man

You keep runnin' away don't matter how far You always wind up there
Another thousand pileups in the ugly name of morality
Fucking ugly, some creepy guy keeps asking "How the fuck do you sleep at night?"
With a broken dream and a borrowed hope that died

Filth pig, filth pig
He sleeps with both eyes open
Filth pig, filth pig

You keep chasing this tail but the tail gets bigger go figure
A thousand more stories keep the fires and flames alive
So how the fuck do you dream at night?
With the memories of a borrowed death, the guilty liesFilth pig, filth pigHe sleeps with both eyes open
Filth pig, filth pig

He sleeps all right because he's a Filth pig

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One of these days…

November 4, 2005 at 1:54 am (Music, Politics, War)

Wow. Turn up the volume, put on some headphones, and watch this.

If anyone is reading this and has a blog, please link to this post, post it yourself, or publicize it in some other fashion. Every red blooded American needs to see this.

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Quote of the day

August 4, 2005 at 3:02 am (Music, Quote of the day)

“Without a Sound” by Dinosaur Jr. The whole fucking album.


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Weekend Roundup: Music Edition

July 6, 2005 at 12:31 am (Music)

I spent my first July 4 on the west coast soaking up some beautiful
Portland summer sun, an abnormal amount of alcohol, and a lot of
music. This weekend was of course the MegaChemCo Bluse Festival
brought to you by Faceless Financial Conglomerate LLC (otherwise known
as the Portland Blues Fest), and of course Live8. Here’s my take
on both events:

Ok, it turns out that the corporate sponsorship pretty much pays
for the whole thing, and all proceeds benefit the Oregon Food
Bank. So I’ll be publishing a retarction of my earlier criticism
on page 14C of tomorrow’s edition. In the meantime, here are some

1. Portlanders are remarkably clean. There was so little
trash strewn about the grounds, I could hardly believe it. And
the recycle bins contained, get this, recyclable materials. Even
drunk rednecks from Gresham seem to be able to separate paper from
plastics. And yes, that was me rummaging through the garbage bins
with a look of wonderment on his face.
2. Note to event planners: Next year you need to close Naito
Parkway, set up the booths in the street, and allow the entire park to
be used by people, you know, at the festival. You shut it down
for the Memorial Day carnival, which maybe drew a few grand…there
were 25,000 people there Friday if there were a dozen.
3. Also, next year you should take advantage of the emerging
science of sound engineering. Using such techniques, speakers
aren’t just haphazardly set up in random positions, but can be
strategically placed to facilitate the movement of soundwaves from
speakers to people’s ears.
4. Whoever said Portland has fewer hot chicks per capita than most large cities was, unfortunately, spot-on.
5. On that note, I saw a bearded woman. It had more facial
hair than I do, and double-D cups. It’s not polite to stare, and
I was very, very rude.
6. I’ll take the guy with a guitar and a harmonica on the back
stage any day. If you ever get the chance to see Kenny Neal or
Billy Branch, do it.
7. Buddy Guy was really disappointing. I’m all for the
occasional dramatic pause for crowd feedback, but I bet he spent 30% of
his time on stage just standing there in silence.

I wasn’t in Philly for this summer’s sweatfest, so I spent a few hours
Saturday afternoon streaming the London show off the web. The
only reason of course is because the one band that was never going to
get together for a reunion, Pink Floyd, got together for a
reunion. They happen to be my favorite band of all time, so it
was worth waiting through the live rendition of Mariah Carey’s “Make it
Happen.” The setlist was predictable yet respectable for a show
of this type (4 songs), although I would have replaced “Breathe” with
“Time.” Here is a more detailed review:
David Gilmour: Man, he’s still
got it. The most captivating voice in the history of rock and
roll, and he can still play guitar like few others. If he was a
young woman instead of an old man, I’d be attracted to him.
Roger Waters: I must say, it
was just nice to see these two on the same stage, and that makes it
hard to criticize him. His bass playing was typically Floydian,
technically simple yet exactly what should be played, he looked
healthier than he probably ever has and I think those were genuine
smiles. But whoever decided to let him sing the second verse of
“Wish You Were Here” needs to be fired. My only thought was
“Mommy, make the bad man stop.”
Nick Mason: He was always a
pretty second-tier drummer, and he still is. Pretty much the same
as in 1972. Not bad I guess.
Rick Wright: Well, he sounded
fine, but the chick singing backups on “Comfortably Numb” got more
camera time that he did, so it’s hard to say. But he was standing
up, so I guess that’s good.

The only question that remains is will they get back together for a
tour? I really hope so and I really hope not. I hope
so because I would pay serious cash for a nosebleed seat to one of
those shows. I hope not because that would be a sellout (the bad
kind). They don’t need the money and that would negate the
altruistic rationale for getting back together for this little
tease. What does anyone think? Does anyone care?

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July 1, 2005 at 12:04 am (Music)

The Safeway Waterfont Blues Fest brought to you by First Tech Credit Union. Ok, this looks pretty cool, but give me a break. When will corporate sponsors realize how ridiculous their overzealous efforts look? How can the SAFEWAY Waterfront Blues Fest be brought to you by someone other than Safeway (a second-tier quality grocery chain)? Moreover, if the Fest is brought to you by First Tech Credit Union, how is it Safeway’s Blues Fest? I’ll go, dammit, but I won’t like it (except for the blues fest part).

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Move over, Bach

May 13, 2005 at 8:12 pm (Music, Personal)

Pink Floyd Animals is the greatest musical achievement in the history of mankind. I’ve lost count of how many times that album has saved my life.

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