Movie ratings

July 20, 2008 at 12:32 am (Movies)

<***DARK NIGHT SPOILER ALERT***>

Brokeback Mountain was rated R for “sexuality, nudity, language and some violence.” Heath Ledger’s character fucks a guy, and it gets an R rating.

The Dark Night was rated PG-13 because of “intense sequences of violence and some menace.” Heath Ledger’s character tortures and kills dozens of people, including BLOWING UP A HOSPITAL and it gets a PG-13 rating (but they don’t show any blood).

Family values, people.

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The Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen

August 26, 2007 at 8:55 pm (Movies)

It could be Caddyshack 2. Or Short Circuit 2. Or even better, Ghostbusters 2. Anything with a 2 in the title most likely blows. (except Terminator 2) Airplane 2, Hot Shots Part Deux, it works in all languages. Napoleon Dynamite, also The Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen, is a rare exception. But I think the prize must ultimately go to Major League 2.

I had a date to see that move back in 1995, with a really hot girl who was a senior at PHS. (I, a mere junior) That movie was so bad, so horribly, uncomfortably awful, that there was no possibility of a second date. The dinner at Chi Chi’s probably didn’t help matters. I am still mad at Major League 2, 12 years later. I was admittedly preoccupied on this date, however, because the handle of Bacardi we had acquired for spring break had just been confiscated by TSS’s parents, who proceeded to use it as a centerpiece on the dinner table. No one ever said Old Bob didn’t have a sick sense of humor.

The thing about sequels, is that their relative quality is in inverse proportion to the original. Major League was fucking great. But when I saw that Cerrano had converted to Christianity, I should have cut my losses and walked out. A perfect example is The Matrix 2. It was pretty shitty, but at the time I reconciled it by thinking , “well, The Matrix 3 will be awesome!” Unfortunately, The Matrix 3 was The Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen. In fact, it was so bad, it made its predecessor worse, since the only redeeming quality of The Matrix 2 was that it was merely a segue into a glorious victory for humankind over the machines, which ultimately, never happened. A threequel working backwards in time and worsening the sequel is an unprecedented event, a record Hollywood should respect and allow to stand.

What is The Worst Move You Have Ever Seen?

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1408

August 7, 2007 at 9:49 pm (Movies)

If you like scary movies, I highly recommend this one. The other day, while nursing a wicked hangover, old LogJammin’ called me up and suggested hitting up the Kennedy School for some 3 dollar Sunday fun. I thought what the hell, I’ll get baked and see some stupid zombie movie (my concept of scary movies is limited to Shawn of the Dead). How scary can John Cusack be, really? I mentioned it to a friend yesterday and she asked me if it was a romantic comedy. Heh.

I yelped several times and almost jumped out of my chair once. I was sweating profusely at one point. It’s not gory, “torture porn” it has been called, but man, talk about edge of your seat. There’s a lightbulb out in the basement and I’m afraid to go get my laundry now that it’s dark out. I still get goosebumps when I think of the scene in the restaurant (no spoilers…). I am thinking of sleeping with the lights on tonight. I am 29 years old.

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Borat

September 29, 2006 at 10:49 pm (Movies)

By now you have probably heard of all the ruckus caused by Borat, a fictional TV character.   Here is a link to un unofficial homepage, which contains a Youtube link to him performing a song called “In my country there is problem.” The bar must have been in Texas.  Or West Virginia.  Or Arizona.  Or…

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Bubble

January 9, 2006 at 2:57 am (Movies, Parkersburg)

Steven Soderbergh (Erin Brockovich, Traffic, Ocean’s 11, 12, and 14) recently filmed, if not the first, then certainly the last, movie ever shot in Parkersburg, WV.

Of course, the corporate overlords at Regal Cinemas aren’t showing the film in Parkersburg.

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?

March 22, 2005 at 2:57 am (Drugs, Movies, Personal)

I'm on vacation, in case anyone wondered. Want to gain a new perspective on life, the human race? Watch the big lebowski on mushrooms.

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