A Mi Manera

November 1, 2007 at 11:10 pm (Random)

I still get emails every week from sitemeter detailing my traffic stats on this blog. Despite the fact that I am not nearly as blogtastic as I would like to be, I still appear to have some regular visitors. I appreciate that, I really do. It’s been a crazy 6 weeks or so, so here’s a brief summary. Since mid September, I have

– Traveled across the country twice, including a vacation with the ‘Rents, where we stayed in a cabin in West Virginia frequented by Robert E. Lee after The War. Here is photographic evidence that these places still exist, from our living room:

cimg0134.jpg

– Gone to Vermont, had a reunion with many of my college friends, and watched one of my best friends get hitched

– Hosted a few buddies for a weekend of utter debauchery, in which we (read : I) caused significant property damage at an undisclosed location. Don’t worry guys, he has been back for almost a week, and hasn’t noticed. So at this point, it happened in the Safeway parking lot, as far as I am concerned.

– Met a girl, who I am starting to like a lot. Actually, I started to like her a lot a few weeks ago. I will not repeat my previous mistake and alert her to the existence of this blog, so stay tuned for potentially juicy updates.

– Voted yes on Measures 49 and 50, unlike Liza, who loves Philip Morris and hates impoverished children, and therefore voted no on 50 (sorry, that was an anonymous dig on the afforementioned New Girl.)

– Discovered my new favorite band: the Gipsy Kings, who are singlehandedly going to reinvigorate my interests in guitar playing and Spanish speaking

– Had an interview for the job I have been eyeing since I got my masters degree 10 months ago, and am now a “finalist.” Pretty soon I may not be able to bitch about my perpetual lack of money and professional gratification anymore. I eagerly await that day, and so should you.

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Thou shalt not covet

September 11, 2007 at 8:46 pm (Random)

…thy neighbor’s vacuum? My gay friend B has one of those bagless vacuums. You know, the one you see on TV with the film noir commercial, starring some handsome young British chap who supposedly invented the thing. I got a demo a few months ago, and it was impressive. Exactly the kind of vacuum you would expect a gay couple to have in their Pearl District condo.

I decided recently it is time for another Surge Against Cat Hair: a nearly futile endeavor with the old clunker my mom gave me 4 years ago, which pretty much just blows the stuff around. I thought I had a perfect solution, when the following email exchange took place:

Me: Can I borrow your vacuum?

B: I don’t know, I would hate to have to track you down and kick your ass if something happened to it.

Me: thinking (Oh B, there you go bringing up my ass again. I guess I started it, when I told you I needed some strong suction on my carpet)…yeah dude, I’ll try and treat it with respect.

B: Sorry bud, if it was an old Hoover I’d part with it.

Me: … Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s vacuum?

He was serious! I couldn’t believe it! Let’s recap here: this guy I know won’t let me borrow his vacuum because he is afraid I am going to break it. Think about that before you start ragging on me for my vacuuming habits next time (you know who you are).

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Headline of the Day

August 14, 2007 at 8:23 pm (Humor, Justice, Portland, Random)

Bank robbed by clown.

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Insects are stupid

August 8, 2007 at 10:02 pm (Random)

Summer is slogging along, which means that there is a spider that spins its web between the rosemary plant and the rhododendron in my front yard, right across the sidewalk leading from my front door.  I feel bad walking through it twice a day, but I don’t really have a choice.

I hope it will learn.  But since this is a recurring theme every year around this time, and it is doubtful that it is the same spider from last year and the year before, I guess this is just a sweet place to spin a web.

“If we pull this off, we’ll eat like kings.”

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Donald Duck was a Nazi

August 7, 2007 at 9:36 pm (Random)

Wow.

Via.

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There is another

July 22, 2007 at 9:30 pm (Random)

Ok, something has been bothering me a lot lately.  When Luke Skywalker leaves Degobah in The Empire Strikes Back, why does Obi-wan say to Yoda, “he was our last hope,” to which Yoda responds, “No.  There is another”?  In Revenge of the Sith Obi-wan is there when Padame gives birth to Luke and Leia, so clearly he knows that “there is another.”  Why would he ask that question?  Don’t tell me he just forgot that Darth Vader had twins.  Is he senile?  Yoda is 900 years old and he managed to remember.   The thing is, that was great foreshadowing when it was just the original trilogy, but now that the prequels are out all it has done is created a huge plot inconsistency.  If George Lucas had thought about this at all, he could have had Obi-wan go to the bathroom or something right when she is giving birth, so he would at least have a legitimate excuse for not knowing.   Then I wouldn’t be losing sleep at night.

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Painters Beware

June 9, 2007 at 3:02 pm (Justice, Random)

So some guy who stalked David Letterman escaped from prison.  La dee freaking da, right?  He’ll get caught and I’m sure Letterman and his son have bodyguards.  But what caught my eye in this article was why the guy was in jail in the first place:

Frank was arrested in March 2005 on allegations that he had devised a plan to kidnap Letterman’s son, lied to investigators and overcharged Letterman for painting work at his ranch.

Prosecutors later dropped a charge of solicitation to kidnap, in exchange for guilty pleas on three other charges, including felony theft and misdemeanor obstruction.

Frank was sentenced to 10 years in prison for overcharging the talk show host.

Can that possibly be right?  Ten years for overcharging on a paint job?  By those standards Paris Hilton should get the chair.

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Advice

May 26, 2007 at 1:06 am (Random)

Our lives are nothing more than a series of moments, each individual, free-standing events that will never come again.  Cherish them, for they are all fleeting.

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I’m not emo

May 6, 2007 at 7:40 pm (Random)

I finally broke down and took the emo quiz, as featured on some pop up ad.  Let me just say that the people who wrote this survery didn’t intend for people to score as low as I did.

If I had scored higher, I probably would have jumped off a bridge, which ironically, is pretty emo.

Just remember, if you want to be a non-conformist, all you have to do is dress just like us and listen to the same music we do.

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Potpourri

May 3, 2007 at 9:44 pm (Portland, Random)

Spring has officially sprung, so that can only mean that the season for door-to-door solicitations has arrived. This evening it was OSPIRG, begging for money to lobby for a renewable energy bill. The same bill that has absolutely no chance of not passing the through Democratic colon in Salem. I told the girl I am a grad student and can’t afford to contribute right now, but I do pay the additional .2 cents per kW/hr for wind-generated electricity. The last 2 parts of that statement are true. I plan to continue to exploit the possibility that I am a student, at least until I am completely gray.

A buddy of mine turns 30 this weekend, and in his aged wisdom, decided to celebrate on a Thursday. I finally went to Vendetta on N Williams and Skidmore, which has the nicest back patio I have seen in this city. It also has the unfortunate distinction of attracting the highest concentration of Fallout Boy fans and other assorted hipsters of any bar this side of the Mississippi (River). So I had a few beers, came home and voted. I love Oregon. Incidentally, I voted no on all ballot measures. In my mind I had penned a lengthy post as to why, but then I remembered that no one cares. For school board, I voted for those persons who appeared most physically attractive in their avatar. Incidentally, on page M-34 of the Voters’ Pamphlet, we are informed that “This voters’ pamphlet as week as other valuable information” is available on some web site. I wonder how many of the 500,000+ copies contained this informative message? My guess is all of them.

The 1-0 Portland Timbers are playing a Mexican Premiere League team on Wednesday in an exhibition match. I understand that beer will be available. Any takers?

One of the only reasons I pay for basic cable is so I can watch government hearings on public access. Yes, it is constant excitement here at jalalablog headquarters. Some guy from the Bureau of Environmental Services just handed over the mic to some other guy from PDOT, which is a clever acronym for the PortlanD Office of Transportation. He introduced his successor as from the Department of Transportation. It is a very common mistake. I can understand the average joe thinking it is a “department,” but some career bureaucrat should really know that there are no “departments” in city government…that’s just not what they’re called. A few weeks ago I heard the chairman of the fucking board of the PDC say the same thing at a City Club speech. I can’t even begin to explain how much that infuriates me.

Here is my list of the top 5 bass players in the history of rock music:

1. Victor Wooten
2. Les Claypool
3. John Paul Jones
4. Geddy Lee
5. Mike Gordon/Geezer Butler (tied)

Am I wrong?

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