The 2 sweetest words in the English language

July 14, 2005 at 4:56 am (Drugs, Quote of the day)

“Cannabinoids negative.”

Yes ladies and gentlemen, I have a job.



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I did it…finally

July 11, 2005 at 5:43 pm (Personal)

I concluded a recent letter with “Do not ever attempt to contact me
again. I don’t want anything to do with you for the rest of my
life.” Yay me. Hot-DAMN that felt

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Weekend Roundup: Music Edition

July 6, 2005 at 12:31 am (Music)

I spent my first July 4 on the west coast soaking up some beautiful
Portland summer sun, an abnormal amount of alcohol, and a lot of
music. This weekend was of course the MegaChemCo Bluse Festival
brought to you by Faceless Financial Conglomerate LLC (otherwise known
as the Portland Blues Fest), and of course Live8. Here’s my take
on both events:

Ok, it turns out that the corporate sponsorship pretty much pays
for the whole thing, and all proceeds benefit the Oregon Food
Bank. So I’ll be publishing a retarction of my earlier criticism
on page 14C of tomorrow’s edition. In the meantime, here are some

1. Portlanders are remarkably clean. There was so little
trash strewn about the grounds, I could hardly believe it. And
the recycle bins contained, get this, recyclable materials. Even
drunk rednecks from Gresham seem to be able to separate paper from
plastics. And yes, that was me rummaging through the garbage bins
with a look of wonderment on his face.
2. Note to event planners: Next year you need to close Naito
Parkway, set up the booths in the street, and allow the entire park to
be used by people, you know, at the festival. You shut it down
for the Memorial Day carnival, which maybe drew a few grand…there
were 25,000 people there Friday if there were a dozen.
3. Also, next year you should take advantage of the emerging
science of sound engineering. Using such techniques, speakers
aren’t just haphazardly set up in random positions, but can be
strategically placed to facilitate the movement of soundwaves from
speakers to people’s ears.
4. Whoever said Portland has fewer hot chicks per capita than most large cities was, unfortunately, spot-on.
5. On that note, I saw a bearded woman. It had more facial
hair than I do, and double-D cups. It’s not polite to stare, and
I was very, very rude.
6. I’ll take the guy with a guitar and a harmonica on the back
stage any day. If you ever get the chance to see Kenny Neal or
Billy Branch, do it.
7. Buddy Guy was really disappointing. I’m all for the
occasional dramatic pause for crowd feedback, but I bet he spent 30% of
his time on stage just standing there in silence.

I wasn’t in Philly for this summer’s sweatfest, so I spent a few hours
Saturday afternoon streaming the London show off the web. The
only reason of course is because the one band that was never going to
get together for a reunion, Pink Floyd, got together for a
reunion. They happen to be my favorite band of all time, so it
was worth waiting through the live rendition of Mariah Carey’s “Make it
Happen.” The setlist was predictable yet respectable for a show
of this type (4 songs), although I would have replaced “Breathe” with
“Time.” Here is a more detailed review:
David Gilmour: Man, he’s still
got it. The most captivating voice in the history of rock and
roll, and he can still play guitar like few others. If he was a
young woman instead of an old man, I’d be attracted to him.
Roger Waters: I must say, it
was just nice to see these two on the same stage, and that makes it
hard to criticize him. His bass playing was typically Floydian,
technically simple yet exactly what should be played, he looked
healthier than he probably ever has and I think those were genuine
smiles. But whoever decided to let him sing the second verse of
“Wish You Were Here” needs to be fired. My only thought was
“Mommy, make the bad man stop.”
Nick Mason: He was always a
pretty second-tier drummer, and he still is. Pretty much the same
as in 1972. Not bad I guess.
Rick Wright: Well, he sounded
fine, but the chick singing backups on “Comfortably Numb” got more
camera time that he did, so it’s hard to say. But he was standing
up, so I guess that’s good.

The only question that remains is will they get back together for a
tour? I really hope so and I really hope not. I hope
so because I would pay serious cash for a nosebleed seat to one of
those shows. I hope not because that would be a sellout (the bad
kind). They don’t need the money and that would negate the
altruistic rationale for getting back together for this little
tease. What does anyone think? Does anyone care?

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Why people on meth shouldn’t have computers

July 1, 2005 at 6:30 pm (Drugs, Parkersburg)

Check out this gem, from the poll question on the Parkersburg News The question relates to proposed Congressional action limiting the use of federal funds in eminent domain/private development cases, in direct response to the SCOTUS ruling in Kelo v. New London. I didn’t change or alter this in any way:

there going to do what they want anyways >>>>>. to all you smokers out there are you as mad as i am over the ciggs going up well i think it is time we smoker where to do what we want to. eat where we want to we pay for others that don’t.they want usto flip the bill. we should have rights to just like the ones that don’t smoke. why should we flip the bill for the ones that don’t smoke what a shame that the gov, wants all our money so they give it to themselfs and not where it is to go then say they did more and more and then more and more and then we need more for this or that and all the time do we get more in the check we work hard for no no no they take more and more i would like to see everyone quit smoking so they would be broke to it is a shame the we live in the good ole usa and can’t smoke where we want but we are free right your not free never were take your blinders off and wake up

I couldn’t have put it better myself.

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One of my least favorite things

July 1, 2005 at 12:16 am (Personal, Portland)

Fat, smug cops who write you a ticket when you are clearly in violation
of the law. You may have won this round, Officer Lardbutt, but
I’m not going to have a heart attack tomorrow, and you just might.


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July 1, 2005 at 12:04 am (Music)

The Safeway Waterfont Blues Fest brought to you by First Tech Credit Union. Ok, this looks pretty cool, but give me a break. When will corporate sponsors realize how ridiculous their overzealous efforts look? How can the SAFEWAY Waterfront Blues Fest be brought to you by someone other than Safeway (a second-tier quality grocery chain)? Moreover, if the Fest is brought to you by First Tech Credit Union, how is it Safeway’s Blues Fest? I’ll go, dammit, but I won’t like it (except for the blues fest part).

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