Dichotomy

August 18, 2006 at 2:56 am (Rant)

I love keyboard shortcut keys more than words can encapsulate.  They are my best friend, and the greatest time-saving device in the history of mankind.

I hate keyboard shortcut keys with a fiery passion so fierce, I cannot describe it.  If I find another errant t, v, or w in my document, I am going to fucking shoot someone.

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The Emporer is drunk

August 16, 2006 at 11:33 pm (Uncategorized)

I wonder what my colleagues would say if they knew that I drank an entire 12 pack of beer by myself last night, as I made revisions to their summer project?  It was over the course of about 8 hours, but still…

I’m having dreams about Adobe InDesign.  It’s as though those 4 hours never happened.  Well at least it’s official…being a dictator sucks.

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End of an error

August 15, 2006 at 6:46 pm (Uncategorized)

The last 1000 days.

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Bicentennial

August 15, 2006 at 5:06 pm (Uncategorized)

Not really, but this is my 200th post.  I thought I would have some fun with referrer logs, always a good time.  I’ve been getting a lot of traffic lately, mostly from robots trying to post spam comments.  Note: If you post a comment with a link in it, it gets moderated, and I will never approve something if I don’t know who you are.

But of course, there is always the requisite zooporn searches: 14 so far today (it’s not even 10 AM yet), and 21 yesterday.  These included a comment from our new friend Jennifer, who claims “I am a curious person.”  Really?  Well then why don’t you try http://www.IAmADisgustingFuckingWhoreWhoLikesToSuckHorseCock.com, you should feel right at home.

Other search results that have mysteriously landed people here include:

“Didn’t even have to use my AK”  Hey, I was kidding on that post.

“Strip clubs near Corvallis”  Don’t know of any strip clubs, but there is a card-carrying prostitute on the second floor of the Geosciences building at OSU.  It’s a start.

“Minocqua Wisconsin fishing blog”  You should start one, and I will read it frequently.

“Emilie Boyles”  A fraud, thief, AND a fugitive from justice, she is.  I wish I had time to post something on that when it was in the news again about 2 weeks ago.  Maybe soon.

“Porn cooperative”  Isn’t that redundant?

“Antacid makes my heartburn worse”  Never take antacids, they neutralize acid, causing your body to produce MORE acid.  Try a tablespoon of white wine vinegar.  It works.

“Columbian porn”  Ok seriously, I don’t endorse or disseminate porn on this site.  Seriously.

“‘Discount tire’ free rotation”  Les Schwab.

“Mean girls blog”  It’s called the Multnomah County Commission.

I have to get back to work, I could do this all day.

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Trivia

August 15, 2006 at 4:46 pm (Trivia)

Q: How many members of the Lewis and Clark expedition died during the trek?

A: Not as many as the 21st Century team, recreating the trip in a helicopter.

Despite the loss of three of its members in a helicopter crash, a team retracing the Lewis and Clark trail by air continued its course east Monday.

“We decided . . . that the best way we could honor and complete the wishes of the three friends and peers was to continue on our expedition and carry out the culmination of four years of vision and planning,” said Wendi Goldsmith, expedition spokeswoman.

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Assal Horizontology

August 15, 2006 at 4:33 pm (Random)

Last week, as this summer gig of mine was winding down, They asked me to stay here for an extra week, to do some final edits and tweaking of our document. Translation: I now have dictatorial editing power, which I welcome. I deserve it.

I spent so much time in front of my computer last week, my finger was starting to grow whiskers. My self-medication regime was approaching a level it hadn’t seen since college. I thought I would come back here, sit around each day for a few hours, get in some much needed beach time, and call it quits. That was before the project coordinator cancelled her vacation to come up here and “help” me with some editorial “suggestions.” Let me just say the red pen industry has a new market segment, and her name is K.

The problem is, most of it is deserved. The Schriz has the design prowess of a gnat. Comments on one of the hippies’ page included “use complete sentences.” No kidding. Fish girl, god bless her, did a pretty good job. I haven’t been able to look at Plant Lady’s revised pages yet, but hopefully they have been translated into English since the last time I saw them. The other hippie wanted to use a photo of human fecal matter to highlight the waste management problems associated with overcrowding during fishing season. I can just imagine how my next job interview would go:

Employer: So, I have been leafing through your portfolio.

Me: Yes sir.

Employer: Is that a piece of shit on page 23?

Me: Yes sir.

Employer: Don’t call us, we’ll call you.

I can finally see why the world produces people like Kim Jong Il.

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I’m an uncle

August 6, 2006 at 10:02 pm (Uncategorized)

My sister had her baby yesterday, a little girl named Adelyn.  Both mother and daughter are healthy and happy.   As soon as I get a picture I’ll put one up.

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Quote of the Day

August 6, 2006 at 10:00 pm (Quote of the day)

“I’m like, ‘Ok, whatever.'”

–Ashlee Simpson, responding to criticism that she may be obsessed with plastic surgery

Yes, somehow we have a copy of In Touch Weekly lying around the house.  I started to post my thoughts on the abortion-related ballot measure that Oregonians will vote on this fall, but decided that was too much controversy for a Sunday.  Instead I decided to read up on Matthew’s Wild Beach Party!  Stay tuned.

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The dam bursts

August 2, 2006 at 2:13 am (Personal)

Not yet, but soon.  If I hear the phrase “but from a fish perspective…” one more time, I am going to scream.  Yes ladies and gentlemen, living with 5 girls I don’t really know is finally starting to take its toll on me. Especially as the project winds down, the stress winds up and the cattiness explodes.  The Schriz just about lost it today, which was actually really funny.  She’s cute when she’s angry.  Fish Girl is aiming for a long-term field research project with extreme prejudice, if you know what I mean.  One of the hippies threw in the towel today, I am pretty sure.  The Only Girl In The World With A Lisp Worse Than My Ex Girlfriend is as annoying as ever.  Plant Lady has quite literally moved out.  And I’m at the bar, using Illustrator to trace an old dike system at an abandoned trailer park.  Yes my friends, the irony is so thick, it is suffocating.

Here’s my question.  When you hide your drinking habit from those around you, does that constitute a drinking problem?  For example, I plan on leaving here pretty soon, going home, holing up in my room, blasting some Yes, pounding a few Bud Lights and fantasizing about all the dikes that my tax dollars used to support.

I define “problem” liberally.  For example, it is clearly a problem that I can’t go home and sit in my living room watching Seinfeld re-runs and drinking in my underwear.  But what about the more clinical kind of problem?  I don’t think I am doing myself harm; in fact I am doing myself a favor.  I would honestly rather jump off a bridge than sit at that table one more night listening to someone ask me for the 14th time how I made my map all colorful like that.  Thoughts?

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