The science of football polls

September 16, 2007 at 11:06 am (Sports)

I have an idea for West Virginia: they should lose a game.  Maybe then they will go up in the polls; repeatedly winning by large margins seemingly only results in them dropping in the AP poll.


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September 13, 2007 at 9:00 pm (law, Rant, society, Television)

I pay 14 bucks a month for basic cable. I get the networks, football without static, public access, and a few randoms line E!, Discovery Channel, and C-Span. I have heard about the concept of a la carte cable, where you pay only for the channels you will actually watch. When that happens the American Revolution will finally be over. I know that I end up watching crap I wouldn’t otherwise, on random weekday nights. Exhibit 1: The Scrubs Rerun Network (which probably has another name). Exhibit 2: The Girls Next Door. I originally thought it was a documentary on Why The Terrorists Hate Us, but it is apparently a real series. Exhibit 3: I am watching C-Span. Check that, C-Span Two.

Why? Because the tag line on the bottom of the screen says “Cable TV must allow a la carte content rules.” OMG! I am so excited. Except they are talking about bandwidth limitations that prevent effective nationwide deployment of Wireless Enhanced 911 Services. Huh? Who cares about 911? I just want ESPN and Comedy Central.

I went to the FCC website to view the agenda from Tuesday’s meeting. I don’t see anything on there about me not having to stream pirated Jon Stewart monologues. But I am smart, so I used thinking and decided that the following agenda item is what I am after:

Implementation of the Cable Television Consumer Protection and Competition Act of 1992; Development of Competition and Diversity in Video Programming Distribution, Section 628(c)(5) of the Communications Act, Sunset of Exclusive Contract Prohibition (MB Docket No. 07-29); and Review of the Commission’s Program Access Rules and Examination of Programming Tying Arrangements.

But that is item 5! This thing just started; it will be hours before they get to the good stuff! Why is C-Span resorting to sensationalism to attract viewers? I don’t know what irks me more, that they blatantly lie about what is being discussed to make it seem interesting to channel surfers, or that it works. I am still watching it.

In related news, the Family and Consumer Choice Act of 2007 has in fact been introduced in Congress. Thank you, Janet Jackson’s nipple.

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Thou shalt not covet

September 11, 2007 at 8:46 pm (Random)

…thy neighbor’s vacuum? My gay friend B has one of those bagless vacuums. You know, the one you see on TV with the film noir commercial, starring some handsome young British chap who supposedly invented the thing. I got a demo a few months ago, and it was impressive. Exactly the kind of vacuum you would expect a gay couple to have in their Pearl District condo.

I decided recently it is time for another Surge Against Cat Hair: a nearly futile endeavor with the old clunker my mom gave me 4 years ago, which pretty much just blows the stuff around. I thought I had a perfect solution, when the following email exchange took place:

Me: Can I borrow your vacuum?

B: I don’t know, I would hate to have to track you down and kick your ass if something happened to it.

Me: thinking (Oh B, there you go bringing up my ass again. I guess I started it, when I told you I needed some strong suction on my carpet)…yeah dude, I’ll try and treat it with respect.

B: Sorry bud, if it was an old Hoover I’d part with it.

Me: … Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s vacuum?

He was serious! I couldn’t believe it! Let’s recap here: this guy I know won’t let me borrow his vacuum because he is afraid I am going to break it. Think about that before you start ragging on me for my vacuuming habits next time (you know who you are).

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The Biggest Losers

September 11, 2007 at 8:31 pm (Television)

Are the contestants on The Biggest Loser.  Actually, it is probably the person who watches The Biggest Loser, which tonight at least, includes me.  It’s the season premiere, so we get all the dramatic tear-jerking backstories, and the shirtless guys who are shocked, shocked! that they weigh 367 lbs.  “I never put myself an ounce over 350, I swear!”

Ok, this is admittedly a little harsh.  Good for those people, who clearly have no shame.  I definitely think people should lose weight if they want to; I can sympathize, having been quite fat myself a few years ago.  But my goodness, if there is a surer sign that our civilization is going the way of Rome, a bunch of fat asses sitting on the couch, watching a TV show about fat people trying to lose weight, I don’t know what it is.

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Insert Title Here

September 4, 2007 at 10:05 pm (Planning, Politics)

The O calls for Vancouver to be brought into Metro’s jurisdiction.

Enough already with playing coy; it’s time for a stable relationship. After all, marriage would simply recognize a pre-existing condition. We’ve been living together for years.

Personally, I think this is a great f*cking idea. Too bad it will never, ever happen. Go ahead, call me a cynic.

UPDATE: Links to the article you are citing are always good.

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September 3, 2007 at 7:03 pm (Humor)

I’ve been feeling a little guilty for leaving Willie home a lone all weekend, while I was up in Seattle giving my liver a much needed endurance test.  So, to make amends, I thought I would post a link to a site with absurdly cute cat pictures.  You’ve been warned.

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