Fire

September 29, 2006 at 10:52 pm (Random)

So the trial for the Great White Fire of Rhode Island has drawn to a close, with those responsible getting a slap on the wrist (from a retarted 5 year old). I must admit I was pretty angry about the fact that one guy got off with only community service. I thought they should have served some hard time, for being responsible for the deaths of 100 people. Then I watched his statement to the court. (scroll down) I actually feel sorry for the poor bastard.

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Borat

September 29, 2006 at 10:49 pm (Movies)

By now you have probably heard of all the ruckus caused by Borat, a fictional TV character.   Here is a link to un unofficial homepage, which contains a Youtube link to him performing a song called “In my country there is problem.” The bar must have been in Texas.  Or West Virginia.  Or Arizona.  Or…

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New feature

September 29, 2006 at 9:23 pm (Random, Zooporn)

I have recently installed a new site meter program, which allows me to see who is visiting my blog in greater detail than before. It has inspired me to make the following pronouncement:

ANYONE WHO GETS OFF BY LOOKING AT PICTURES OF PEOPLE FUCKING ANIMALS IS A DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT, A DISGRACE TO THE HUMAN RACE, WHO DESERVES TO DIE, IMMEDIATELY AND VERY PAINFULLY. I HATE YOU. I HATE ALL OF YOU. IF I HAD MY WAY YOU WOULD ALL BE SHIPPED TO A DESERTED ISLAND AND FED TO HUNGRY LIONS. LIONS THAT WILL SLASH YOUR THROAT AND DRINK YOUR BLOOD, NOT FUCK YOU.

There. That feels better. In a way I relish in it, because I keep mentioning it but what is it with Germans and their fucking zooporn? I can’t even tell you how many perverts do a web search for zooporn and end up here. Like the Kraut from Hennstedt who is on here at this very moment, probably hoping to find a picture of a horse getting a blowjob. Sorry Adolf, but not here.

I promise I will not call people out like this again, unless you are a German looking for zooporn. In that case you have earned your scarlet letter.

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Proposed Legislation

September 28, 2006 at 1:30 am (Rant)

I hereby propose the URban Integrated Nephrology Enactment:

“A. No corporation or other legal entity engaged in Commerce within the United States shall produce, manufacture, or distribute colostomy bags, unless:

1. Said colostomy bag is 100% opaque.

B. The penalty for violation of this Statute shall be summary execution.”

Please contact your Congressman immediately, before the guy I just saw smoking a joint in the Park Blocks decides to start hanging out in your neighborhood.

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Sliced Bread

September 27, 2006 at 8:36 pm (Random)

When was it invented?  was it met with great fanfare, to wordwide acclaim?  Did people say “Boy, this is the best thing since ____!”  What was the best thing before sliced bread?

These are the things that keep me up at night.

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Hydro hogs

September 27, 2006 at 5:14 pm (Environment, Portland)

Willamette Week has published their annual report of local people who use the most water.  It’s always an entertaining read.  Here’s my personal favorite:

4. Robert Pamplin Sr. Edgecliff Road, Dunthorpe

Market value: $2.44 million

Lot size: 3.2 acres

Water used: 1,059,916 gallons—enough water to make homemade paper and self-publish 21,198 copies of the King James Bible. Sitting atop the stack, one would be a third of a mile closer to Heaven.

Previous ranking: No. 4 in 2004.

Annual bill: $2,030

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Penury: it’s not just for the unemployable anymore

September 27, 2006 at 5:44 am (Rant)

I’m unemployed.  And poor.  It sucks.  I calculated it the other week, and if I don’t count rent/utilities, tuition and books, I can spend approximately $61 a week between now and December 20,barring any additional income sources.  Of course the gf and I went to Astoria this weekend, and I spent 81 bucks on the room…and now I’m afraid to redo the math.

I’ll be a Master in December, and I am trying to recollect why I deliberately did not graduate in June.  I am three hours away from my degree, and at some point I thought it would be a great idea to prolong the suffering for one more quarter.  So here I am , it’s 10 o’clock, I just got home from class with a bunch of doe-eyed first years.  I was the grizzled, sweaty old bastard in the back corner of the room who kept staring at the clock.

I am now applying for jobs, three so far and another tomorrow, two of which are temporary/part time, two of which are career-types.  I’d be happy with any of them.  The problem is, I am barely qualified to be a project manager with the city development agency (or, there have to be people way more qualified than me, if not then we’re in serious trouble), and I am way overqualified for an internship that requires 2 years of college and 6 months of office experience.  It’s a sort of academic/professional purgatory.  I even looked into pouring suds at a local dive, but the local hipsters were all over that one like a fly on shit.

At least the weather is nice.  I have been riding my bike around town like Lance freaking Armstrong, just to kill time.  But I am afraid to wear my tires down too much because purchasing gasoline is becoming a luxury.  I might consider befriending the 8 year old down the street who is obsessed with my cat.  He’s either home schooled or an early dropout, because he is always around, knocking on my door.  Maybe in a few weeks I can earn some cheese raking leaves.

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Two gems

September 12, 2006 at 5:36 pm (Portland)

In my newly found free time, I have been doing some exploring of this great city.  It’s amazing what you miss when you spend 90% of your time in front of a computer or with your nose in a book.  Here are two of my new favorite places (they’re both parks):

Powers Marine Park is located in SW, almost in Lake Oswego.  It has great views of the city, and a seculded sandy beach.  I almost thought I was thought I was back at the beach, until I looked across the water and saw not endless ocean but Sellwood.  Oh well, that’s what imaginations are for, right?

Smith and Bybee Lake is a highly engineered wetland ecosystem, designed to mimic conditions prior to industrial development of the Columbia.  It functions quite well, and if you can get past the freeway noise and the constant roar of planes takigng off overhead, you might actually enjoy yourself.

Both of these places have reinforced my desire to buy a kayak.  You can also bike there, but if you do, for the love of god wear a helmet, ok?  You can buy one for 5 bucks at the Community Cycling Center at 18th and Alberta.

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Shopping

September 8, 2006 at 4:13 pm (Uncategorized)

Well I’m back, after a long and much needed vacation.

The question I can’t get out of my mind right now is what prevents people from stealing other people’s bags from the baggage claim at airports? Sure, you get a claim ticket, but in my somewhat robust flying experience, I have had someone check my claim stub exactly once, at Midway Airport. I estimate that’s about a 2 % verification rate. That coould be the best part of your trip: finding out all the cool stuff you didn’t buy.

Last night I was at PDX waiting for my bags, and on the turnstile next to mine there were three bags going around and around, and no one was even there to claim them. For like 15 minutes. That’s what I don’t get about women: the gf is always harping on me to buy some new underwear (there’s a Seinfeld joke that I think was written for me), and when the perfecet opportunity arises, she won’t let me. Go figure.

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