Best of nominee

February 19, 2007 at 7:54 pm (Humor)

Yes, I have been hanging around on craigslist again. I just nominated this for best of. Here are some highlights, interspersed with my smarmy yet sometimes relevant comments:

Are you interested in being a co-parent?

…I would love to have kids and feel that it would be beneficial to everyone if my child had as many parents to love them as possible.

Why not ask your lesbian life partner? Oh, she doesn’t want to have kids? Doesn’t that constitute “irreconcilable differences?”

I am looking only for men who are SERIOUS about this.

Which is why I am posting it on craigslist’s “women seeking men” page…most guys are on here becuse they haven’t been able to knock some random chick up.

Someone who believes strongly in attachment style parenting, and who is willing to be an active and loving participant in a child’s life.

She had me until this line. When I have a kid, I will show them a detached indifference, occasionally shouting “you ruined my fucking life you little weasel!!” before sending them to bed hungry.

I don’t think I am looking for a 50/50 parenting relationship. I want to be a primary parent but would love to have maybe a 75/25 ratio.

My lawyer will have a heyday with this one. What happens when “scope creep” sets in, and daddy tries to teach the little bastard how to throw a baseball, but you have plans to go to Lilith Fair? Do you keep a record of time spent to ensure the agreed upon ratio of parental responsibility?

My child will not eat crap that is passed off as food, will be birthed at home and breastfed until whenever…

Ok, that’s just creepy. No baby should EVER remember being breastfed. I think Freud’s mother nursed him until he was 14.

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2 Comments

  1. JB said,

    Damn, I expected this post to at least piss SOMEONE off…

  2. TSS said,

    So wait, she’s a stripper, right? Do you have to pay her first?

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