Random Musings

February 7, 2007 at 6:56 am (Random)

Humanity has reached a new low when my space dot com becomes the medium through which we learn about each other’s misfortunes.

I check “jb@jalalablog.com” about once every three months.  So if you email me there, drop a little note in the comments, mmmkay?  My actual email address hasn’t changed for years.

Dear Law and Order writers: photoionization detectors can’t distinguish between specific types of volatile organic compounds. That’s what gas chromatographs are for. And hazmat teams don’t just open overpack drums on the spot, especially if they actually think it was used to transport nuclear weapons. But I’m sure most of your viewers know that. (actually, the developing plotline of this episode is true. Unbelievable, but true)

Just because I said I am single doesn’t mean I want to go home with you. Sometimes there is just no polite way to say that, especially to someone with a debilitating neurological disorder. Sorry.

I ride the bus up MLK to go home from work each day. The new computer voice they just installed actually says “Martin Luther King Jay Are Boulevard.” I find that very comforting.

I have decided to ween myself off of the elevator at work, because I feel that it will save my life someday. Anyone who has ever been in my building can attest that the elevators are frightening. One day you’ll be watching the news and there will be a little item on the ticker at the bottom that reads something like “8 employees of {} killed by falling elevator.” Watch for it. So far I am walking down 9 flights, and up 2, every freaking time.

Millions of Americans have made hydroxycut the number 1 weight loss product on the market! Millions of Americans are fatter than they have ever been, despite buying a case of hydroxycut on New Years Day.

I love stealing my neighbor’s wireless signal, becuause it saves me a lot of money. But holy crap it is slow. It almost makes me want to start writing checks to Qwest again, until I remember all the stuff I could potentially do anonymously.

I really hate the fact that whatever station this is censors all the shit scenes from South Park episodes.

I can’t believe that my blogging prowess is limited to streams of consciousness while watching basic cable.

The chick who works the desk at the gym I go to has a real stick up her butt. Sure, she’s the least attractive employee there, but please spare me the indignant faux cheer, ok? She says to me she says, “Hi, how are you?” as I hand her my card, expecting it to be placed promptly under the infrared light and handed back to me so I can be on with my business. “Good,” I say, patiently. “Oh, I’m fine, thanks,” she retorts. This actually happened. News flash, lady: “Hi, how are you” is a rhetorical question. I don’t care how you are, and I certainly don’t expect you to care how I am. You must scan 300 cards in a typical rush evening…don’t sit there and act like you want an honest answer from every schmuck who passes by your desk. What if I’m not “good?” What if I spent all fucking day in a windowless office with unsafe elevators and horrible air quality under fluorescent light staring at a goddam computer screen in a 10 square foot cublcle? Do you want to hear about that? HUH????


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