Silly Liberals

October 19, 2006 at 9:08 pm (Politics)

As every good Republican automaton knows, the first thing Nancy Pelosi will do when she becomes Speaker of the House is to re-name our nation The Stalinist States of Islamerica. And now they are all in a tizzy about how that path of destruction will be slashed and burned. Some of these are a bit ridiculous, admittedly, but isn’t that why we have a deliberative Legislature? Here are some highlights of Democrat-backed legislation, interspersed with my smarmy comments.

Justice for the Unprotected against Sexually Transmitted Infections among the Confined and Exposed Act (JUSTICE) Act (Lee, D-CA)H.R. 6083. Requires community organizations to be allowed to distribute sexual barrier protection devices (e.g. condoms) in federal prisons. Also prohibits a federal prison from taking adverse action against a prisoner who possesses or uses a sexual barrier protection device.

Since the federal government has never acknowledged prison sex as a problem, it clearly doesn’t exist. And if we start giving prisoners condoms, it’s only a matter of time until someone fashions a giant condom parachute, escapes and murders your children.

Antibullying Campaign Act (Nadler, D-NY)H.R. 3787. Creates a new federal grant program aimed at reducing bullying in public schools “based on any distinguishing characteristic of an individual.”

Why should the federal government concern itself with trivial matters like school safety? Our schools are totally safe.

Tupac Shakur Records Release Act of 2006 (McKinney, D-GA)H.R. 4968. Enshrines copies of government records concerning rapper Tupac Shakur in a specially created collection at the National Archives.

Ok, this is silly. Maybe it is this kind of legislative prowess that caused Ms. McKinney to lose her re-election bid in the primary.

States’ Rights to Medical Marijuana Act (Frank, D-MA)—H.R. 2087. Allows physicians in states with medical marijuana laws to prescribe marijuana without violating federal law.

Silly liberals. When will they can their ridiculous “states rights” rhetoric?

Ex-Offenders Voting Rights Act (Rangel, D-NY)H.R. 663. Allows those convicts who are just out of prison to vote.

God forbid we allow people who have paid their debt to society to, like, re-enter society. On the other hand, if this doesn’t pass there won’t be very many Republican Congressmen voting in the next decade or so.

Department of Peace and Nonviolence Act (Kucinich, D-OH)H.R. 3760. Establishes a U.S. Department of Peace and Nonviolence, as well as a Peace Day. The department would promote “human rights,” international conflict prevention, nonviolent intervention, structured mediation, and peaceful conflict resolution.

Unnecessary, because the Bush Doctrine has worked so well thus far.

End the War in Iraq Act (McGovern, D-MA)H.R. 4232. Defunds the War in Iraq, forcing immediate troop withdrawal.

This is a terrible idea. I’m completely serious.

Media Ownership Reform Act (Hinchey, D-NY)H.R. 3302. Restricts ownership of radio and television stations, forcing some owners to divest their holdings, and regulates broadcast content.

If this had been in place, start-ups like Clear Channel would never have become the community-minded corporations they are today.

Menu Education and Labeling Act (DeLauro, D-CT)H.R. 5563. Regulates what certain restaurants must print on their menus.

Again, a terrible idea. Not in theory, but can you imagine how this would be implemented? Neither can I.

Proposing an amendment to the Constitution of the United States respecting the right to full employment and balanced growth (Jackson, D-IL)H.J.Res. 35. Creates a constitutional right to full employment.

What is this, the Soviet Union?

Boy, I would LOVE to see a similar list of ridiculous Republican legislation. Of course none of these things would be a priority, and the things the House will actually be debating are completely left off this list, to scare people into voting. You know, silly left wing fantasies like limiting the federal defecit. As a wise man once said, the first rule of interpreting right wing spin is if the details are lacking, there’s a good reason for it.

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2 Comments

  1. neckfro said,

    Funny, I commented on that blog re state’s rights before reading your post. How odd is it that the “liberals” are the ones pushing for state autonomy and a balanced federal budget?

  2. rock creek rambler said,

    I wonder if Rangel knows that it’s the individual state that determines whether felons can vote. Congress can’t do anything about it unless they repeal the 14th amendment.

    And Dept. of Peace? Give me a break.

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