Old white man changes mind, billion-baby fire extinguished

October 5, 2006 at 9:01 pm (Religion)

Limbo doesn’t exist anymore. The Pope has decided that babies of Hindu parents who died of dyssentery at age 4 days will no longer be subjected to the eternal hellfires of damnation. (Isn’t that God’s decision?) When I was a kid, my mom stopped sending me and my brother to bible school at my neighbor’s house because she believed that. Score: Mom 1, Psycho Baptist-lady 0.

Limbo wasn’t hell, exactly, but it wasn’t heaven either. It was the place where you went when your only sin was not being Catholic. You gain a tremendous competitive advantage on spots in heaven by being Catholic, you see. As long as you eat a little wafer once a week, you can rape as many little boys as you want. But be born in a third world country and die of starvation after 2 weeks? Forget it, Brownie.

That’s all changed now. Oh you can still rape little boys and St. Peter will welcome you with open arms (have some wine with that cracker!), but having Muslim parents is no longer a one-way ticket to the Lair of Beelzebub. I wonder how millions of dead and dying Christian fundamentalists feel about this? “Oh great, I’ll be sitting up there in heaven, walking down the streets of gold, and a bunch of little towelheads will be crawling all over the place? I didn’t sign up for that! You call this paradise?”

Yes the line just got a little more blurry. The Catholic Church, raping and repressing for centuries, has admitted a flaw in it’s knee-jerk dogmatism. I wonder how Catholics feel about that? How can the opinion of one guy trump eons of practice, or more directly, what an individual thinks? Are people that easily swayed? Are millions of Catholics no longer going to scour the globe, looking for little heathen babies to baptize? This could be a huge development for missionaries…your work just became a lot less relevant.  And what about 281 Popes before old Benny?  Were they all just plain wrong?  What does that say for the credentials of the current occupant of the Vatican?

Will anyone who believes in the crap spewing from the mouths of world religious leaders take a second to weigh the implications of this kind of pronouncement? Clearly God has not really been holding people like Galileo and Ahmed bin-Raziz Muhammed Jihad al-Ramadan (aged 2 days) in limbo/purgatory/hell until the fallacy that is the church recognizes it’s own error; those people have bene in heaven all this time. Will anyone consider that maybe the church is wrong on a lot of other things too? Will anyone stop to re-evaluate their positions in life?  Christian: “Maybe I should do what Jesus said, not what Benny Hinn and James Dobson say? Muslim: “Maybe ‘Thou shalt not kill’ doesn’t contain an exception for Jewish schoolchildren, and let’s face it, anyone who disagrees with me?” Jew: “Maybe the Savior isn’t waiting for me to exterminate an entire populaiton of impoverished olive farmers to make His appearance?”

Somehow I doubt it.

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4 Comments

  1. neckfro said,

    Come on, dude. It’s not like that. God changed his own mind and told the Pope. Everyone is cool with it, because God said so. God was like, “Wow, limbo is getting crowded. ‘Hey Pope, Limbo is full. Let the posse know.'” And the Pope was like, “Word.”

  2. deiter said,

    its true. zooporn is okay now too.

  3. deiter said,

    zooporn.

  4. JB said,

    Neckfro: So little Indian babies who die can go to heaven, startinnnnngggggggg….NOW!

    deiter: No, there’s room for BOTH a horse cock and a pitchfork in your ass, you sick fuck.

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