Great Leap Forward

October 4, 2005 at 2:24 am (Personal)

I’ll never forget April 16, 1993. That was the day I got over my first “heartbreak.” I am hesitant to use the term now, because it all seems so silly in retrospect, but at the time it was a pretty profound experience. Basically, this chick I knew said something mean, I felt slighted, and for a few months there I was pretty damn depressed about it. It was one of those constant pain feelings, the type that never fully goes away, no matter what you are doing. I was beginning to wonder if my little life would ever be the same. Mrs. Ott’s English class didn’t make things any easier. Then spring break arrived. Me and 2 regular contributors to this blog, RCR and TLS, decided we wanted to smoke pot for the first time (we were 15). So we rounded up another buddy who stole the stuff from his mom regularly, and he came out to the ‘hood and we got baked. At least I did. The first time I hit a bowl I actually thought I had inhaled the flame and seared my lungs, which was a little bit unpleasant. And cheese took on an entirely new meaning for me. But I digress.

The next morning, I woke up and my mom and sister were out of town, probably at some dance recital or something. Everyone else was asleep, RCR, TLS, my brother, my dad, and I had my run of the house for a few hours. I, being The Good Son, was in the kitchen doing the dishes when I realized that I had been awake for 2 hours and the little girl had not once crossed my mind. I couldn’t believe it…that realization was one of the happiest instances in my life, and from that moment on I was completely (99%) over her. Ever since then, I have noticed that when I get upset about a girl, a similar moment of clarity always marks the instant you truly can move on, and you are never the same afterward.

Fast forward to 2005. Some chick I knew did something mean, and I felt slighted by it. I spent nearly 5 months moping around feeling sorry for myself, wondering if my young life would ever be the same. I have been waiting patiently for my moment of clarity since May 7, and lo, my children, today that day arrived. Some context: my cat ran away last week. He occasionally performs great Disapperaing Acts, but he always comes back after a few days. He was gone for a week this time, without a collar no less, and I had been scouring local animal shelters and had all but abandoned hope that he would return. It was pretty upsetting, you know, to lose who had been one of your best friends to an uncertain fate. (Yes, I talk to my cat. He’s my roommate. I also have a mean Irish temper and could kick your ass if I wanted to). Anyway, the point is, he came back last night. I pulled up half sloshed from my friend’s birthday party, and he ran up to the door like nothing had happened. I literally cried I was so happy to see him. For like 15 minutes. I smoked a bowl and watched some TV, went to bed, and woke up today feeling better than I have in months. Lingering emotional fragility and drunkenness aside, I had never experienced tears of joy before. My moment of clarity has arrived, and I feel like a normal person again. 99%.



  1. Big Sexy said,

    Dude, please don’t take this the wrong way…I’m so glad you’re happy and over that girl (god knows I’ve been there myself)…but come on, you have never sounded like more of a pussy than you did when you were talking about your cat (and that is saying something)…Let’s step it up a bit

  2. JB said,

    Hey fuck you–you’ve never met my cat before. You’d cry if you saw him.

  3. JB said,

    Wait a minute…you did meet him, when you had that layover in Philly on your way to Miami. You cried like a little girl, don’t deny it.

  4. Big Sexy said,

    I may have cried like a girl that night, but it was only because I pointed that green laser directly into my eyes (or it may have been because of a nervous breakdown over that one girl, I can’t recall)

  5. rock creek rambler said,

    My moment of clarity usually comes (literally) after banging a girl that is hotter than my ex. It’s all about trading up.

  6. booyah said,

    I’m pretty convinced that that cat was sent down by a higher power. To add some more context for you cat hating pussies–this transgendered cat had the great misfortune of being given as a gift to a shiftless hippy, plays FETCH for chrissake, has moved across town and across country yet still knows where he/she lives, was rendered completely immobile after being run over by a car and regained his/her health without surgery or medical intervention, and still remembers me when I visit. Make fun of that cat and I’ll kick your ass too. Or maybe we won’t and we’ll just let him/her do it himself/herself.

  7. JB said,

    Dude…he’s totally a boy.

  8. jones said,

    amen. you and that cat lucked out with each other. and congrats on your moment. have yourself some cous cous and cuff w-dog around some for me.

  9. JB said,

    Done and done.

  10. booyah said,

    Well NOW he’s a boy. But he wasn’t at first. Thus, transgendered.

  11. TLS said,

    Wow dude, cool. Don’t let TR bother you. I pretty much can’t stand cats, but that’s only because I lose the ability to see/breathe when I’m in their presence. Generally I like all animals of the cute and furry variety.And major ups to getting over the girl. It feels great to have the weight lifted off your shoulders. Now go out there and put that black soul patch to use!

  12. JB said,

    It’s not black anymore. I got tired of looking like an ex-con.

  13. TLS said,

    So you got a face transplant?

  14. JB said,

    Yeah dude, a la Hannibal Lecter.

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