Why you buggin?

September 28, 2005 at 11:47 pm (Porn, Rant)

This Saturday a friend and I, let’s call him Chicken Strip, spent the latter half of our evening at Mary’s, “Portland’s oldest topless joint.” For those who may not know, Portland has the highest number of strip clubs per capita of any U.S. city. We also have more microbreweries than any city in the world, recently passing Dusseldorf (or similar) to claim the title. Still I have yet to receive a visitor from back east…what the hell is wrong with you people?? But I digress.

The thing about Mary’s is that, in addition to being old, historic, and right in the middle of the CBD, it is in true Portland fashion, a worker-owner cooperative. That should silence any hardcore feminists I may have in my audience. You see, as a cooperative, the performers all have a vested interest in how much dough they bring in, not only to their G-strings, but also to the register. Profit sharing and all that jazz. Given this setup, you would think they would be particularly accomodating and friendly, to get lonely drunk graduate students like myself and C.S. to open up our fat wallets. Not exactly. The waitress was really nice, and quite possibly the hottest girl I have ever seen, although unfortunately not a performer. But I think their direct stake in the business end has gone to some of the girls’ heads. Enough to make them forget their roots and core constituency.

The first girl on stage seemed to have it in her head that she was something other than a stripper. That she was somehow in a position to lecture and judge the people who are paying her rent. She may have had a point, if that position were something other than naked on all fours, lapping up dollar bills like a hungry dog. In addition to sitting there, not even moving, talking to some fat bozo during the entire first song, she didn’t even take anything off. When she finally did, she–literally—said “Oh, you want to see my boobs?” in this really nasally, sarcastic voice with that fucking half-upper lip smirk on her face. Then she pulled her shirt up for about 2 seconds. I was ready to start throwing shit at her, before I remembered that she’s a struggling small business owner. Eventually she did her job and left the stage. It’s fine if you object to the adult industry, but not if you are perpetuating it. I realize that oogling and objectifying women on a Saturday night is not a particularly noble endeavor, but I don’t need to hear that FROM A STRIPPER. Maybe it was just part of her act, I don’t know. That’s like if my pal Big Sexy were to decry the violence carried out by Columbian cocaine cartels (which he, to his credit, does not do). I’m not much of a strip club guy anyway, but I still don’t see myself going back there for that reason alone. Except maybe to buy another beer off of what’s-her-name.



  1. booyah said,

    It’s all about the Acropolis. Them girls got tittie control.

  2. rock creek rambler said,

    That would be Colombian, unless you’re talking about my cartel in the District of Columbia.

  3. Big Sexy said,

    You know, it is actually funny that you say that. Back when I was a cocaine dealer and addict, I was always preaching about how it wasn’t the drugs that caused the societal problems, but rather the prohibition of the substance….keep in mind, these lectures were usually given around 5:00am with half of Bolivia crusted around my nostrils.BTW…Portland is the next non-family related trip on my agenda…My bank account just needs to recover from last week’s trip to San Francisco first.

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